The fifties did happen, you know

The Notorious Bettie Page

Dearest Marilyn, 

To believe that you were the standard of beauty.  That you can not have a flat stomach, have your thighs touch at the top, have curves all over, wear a size ten and be the hottest sex symbol in America.  I am in the wrong time period.  Send me to where you can wear a size ten and it's no problem.  Send me to a time where you can have an hourglass figure, and it gets appreciated. 

I'm stuck here.  I'm you, Marilyn, but I'm stuck in now instead of then.  I appreciate you, M.  I appreciate me.  I appreciate all shapes and sizes.  Why don't other people appreciate back?  Who decided that the only pretty was stick 

thin?

These pictures remind me that you are real.  You were not petite, you had curves and you were fucking proud.  And you were the hottest thing since sliced bread.

I like my curves.  I like my hourglass figure.  I like my chest and my legs and my thighs.  I will not waste your time telling you what I don't like about me.

I think I will start channeling you to make me confident now, while I wait through weeks of my getting in shape.  That shit don't happen overnight you know.  But you give me hope, girl.  You and Bettie, and all those ladies.  I had another picture of you that was so beautiful and you were so curvy but my computer is dumb and won't let me upload it.  I'll show it later if I can.

You Are Beautiful, M.

And if you did it, so can I 

"I honestly couldn't care less if you like the same bands or you've read the same books. Tell me one original thing, tell me one true, real thing that brings me to my fucking knees that I've never heard before and I'm yours."

Haven't heard anything that great in a long time.

Check out this blog, it's really beautiful: http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

I will post soon.  About A strange dream I've had or another poem if there is one.  We're starting fiction in WTL.  It is fucking difficult, but I am trying and hopefully I will produce something worth putting up here.

Here I am being a procrastinator at 7:20 in the fucking morning, putting off both my psych and math homework and I have to be at school early.  what the fuck.

I will make a post later tonight that is less bull and more rad, including my Taming Of The Shrew rap I did for my English project.  If I become a rapper guys, my name will be LaXandra.  Watch out!

Oh, the strange pasts we all have

After reading Dear Diary by Lesley Arfin (which I highly reccomend, if you enjoy cautionary tales, or have ever kept a diary of any kind.  Really, it's an excellent book, please read it) I was inspired to go back and find my own journal and re-read it.  Well I did, and some of it was hilarious, but it mostly reminded me of times that I wish did not exist.  Maybe I will find it funnier when I'm older.  Either way, it was very interesting to see how I've changed since 2006, and now I am very inspired to start writing in my journal again.

Also, my Writing Through Literature class (the reason why I have the blog and started writing poetry) now has a blog so you can read all of the other things the people in the class write.  Our class is very tal

ented, some people are incredible and if you have time, check it out: http://writingthroughlit0809.blogspot.com

I just posted a poem on there, an Elegy that I feel very attached to (for all you DSA-ers, it is about the 3rd floor of the Carr building) and I will not post it here because there is no point in posting the same thing twice.

This is the only picture I could find.  Since my Long Term Project is all poems from DSA, I will put a corresponding picture with them, once I get good pictures.  I will add one of the subject of my Ode To S.K.S. and add it up there.

Exams are moving quickly and I am about to be a second semester senior.  Scary, but I am more ready to be done with school than ever.

I finally figured out how to add pictures, so here is some photobooth jambalaya

A picture I took tonight.  I am growing my hair out long.  I seem to be doing a pretty good job of it!

Madigan and I having a little fun, as you can see

Some pictures of myself from ages ago.  I like these because you can tell my eyes are two different colors in them

Mary an I having fun with the effects

And of course, my amazing wonderful excellent bad ass mother.

So I was really confused as to how one puts pictures on their blog, but now I understand.  This is just my trial run.  I promise future pictures that will provide much more intrest.  This was just a little taste of me for you!

Edited Villanelle

Your Violent Kiss

I'm enamored by your violent kiss

I stand here entranced and willing

I find you are something easily missed

My better judgement does not approve this

My tangled thoughts are spilling

I'm enamored by your violent kiss

Our words will fall in a tumbling hiss

Our desires, we'll both be fufilling

I find you are something easily missed

On our moments, I notice that I reminisce

Your fleeting touch is just to thrilling

I'm enamored by your violent kiss

I see myself drowning in a muddles abyss

Whenever you're gone it's killing

me, I'm enamored by your violent kiss

I find you are something easily missed

2008-2009 Transition

Holy shit, it is the new year: Two Thousand Nine

I'm not usually one to do this, but here are some resolutions

1) Get In Shape.  Seriously. (I have this feeling that I could be a super fox if only I were in shape)

2) Prioritize.  My sanity at the top, school work, the rest of me, and then everything else after that

3) Stop caring about shit that does not fucking matter.  Hopefully since I am now officially a second semester senior who knows where she is going to college, this will not be too hard.

4) Organize my shit.  Room, school, brain (if that last one is possible)

5) Continue on accepting the fact that I really suck and that I am also a pretty cool person.

6) Get Laid (I'm being honest wether you like it or not) and not someone who sucks.  Someone who is legitimately cool (or at least not a total asshole), who is potential boyfriend material, and who is a man who knows what he wants and not some pussy ass bullshit boy who can't hardly tie his own shoes let alone deal with girls and does not have a crush and/or start dating one of my friends.

7) Start really speaking my mind and saying and doing what is best for me.  I am the only person I've got and I'd better start getting better and standing up for me because maybe if I'm better standing up for me will be easier cause I'll like me a lot more and feel more intrinsic motivation to do so.

8) Only take school as seriously as I need to.  And make sure I don't slack off on what I need to do.

9) Write the senior play and make it so funny that people will risk peeing their pants with laughter.  I'm exaggerating (slightly), really just write it all and make it funny.

10) Be healthier.  In every way shape and form.

11) Kill my sweet tooth if it's the last thing I do.  And you know what?  It probably will be.

12) Earn some money, and start figuring out where/how to buy cute clothes for cheap, as well as save up for Europe.

13) Stop caring about other people, as well as stop caring about how weird I must appear to others.  I'm a freak.  I've always been a weirdo.  It's not different now, and I might as well own it because I do have some seriously excellent friends and the more I think about it we're all freaks and what I'm saying has been said a thousand times before but who really cares how many times it's been said because it still holds true, right?

14) Write every single day.  Something.  Anything.

15) Well, this last one, I can't actually put up here.  The people who know me well know what it is, and probably people who don't know me well know too (small art school=more gossip than you will ever know).  But let me say: I have a goal and by all means I will accomplish it.  I Will Win.

Looking back on all of 2008 and in all honesty, it fucking sucked except that Obama won the election.  Oh, and the cast of SNL has been really good this year.  2008 encased the end of my junior year,  My entire amazing summer, and the beginning of my senior year.  But now it's not the beginning.  It's the beginning of the end of my senior year.  Semester one is practically over, and it's a common fact that second semester of every school year flies by faster than you realize.  Anyway, I say good fucking riddance, 2008 and and hello, sweet and hopeful 2009.

This is now the year that I graduate from a school that I've been in for seven years.

This is now the year that I will go on a European vacation and go nuts.

This is now the year that I will attend my dream school in the fall because, yes, I did get accepted, and yes, my dream school is a public school and yes, I do feel like I have to fight for the legitimacy of my school.

This is now the year that I will leave the place that holds way too many memories and people that I am all too familiar with and still know nothing about.  This still gives me the willies and I'm not sure why because I have never been so excited to leave high school.

Two thousand eight, 

I don't mean to berate

You, but I anticipate

That the truth is innate

And that you won't escape

This hideous fate

Time won't procreate

But will remain in a state

That is bound to create

Moving tectonic plates

Providing almost clean slates

But trust me and wait

Try not to debate

But just have some faith

That nature holds weight

And things still can be great

Two thousand nine,

You seem so divine

But I fear a decline

In thoughts that combine,

In stars that will shine,

In earth concious designs

For you see, my heart pines

For a chance to define

What could really be mine

Fear crawls up my spine

And I fear it's a sign

That things are not fine

That my hope should resign

And I try not to whine

But I will refine

To go along with the times