ain't it funny

Well, here I am. it's the end of my freshman year in college. I will begin my first exam in about nine and a half hours. I will be doing exams and then rushing home for my big sister's graduation, and then beginning my durham summer. And that is all I can think about.

I miss the little things; just the classics. those special Durham classics that only a few of us know.


And I miss my mom and dad, always. I love doing my own thing, but I always have the most fun with them. This will be the most laid back summer, I can feel it.



Of course partying with the old gang, doin it our crazy old school way that we do.


and spending summer nights they way they were meant to be spent

there is, indeed, a reason why I am staying up to post this. I had my final work meeting, and we did these things called paper plate awards. now, I don't know if you're familiar, but the way we did them was that everyone got a silly/funny/thoughtful/unique-to-their-quirk type award. The theme we went with (because we always have themes to everything we do) was celebrities.
Now I knew about this from the get go. I was in the room and worked with the original plan. And from the moment I knew who would be up to choosing the awards, I was prepared for the worst. The awards started getting called out. People's cute quriks, interests, skills, and other unique qualities were being called out.

I recieved the Mother Theresa Award, "for being the most loving, and always looking out!"

Can I ask, what is that crap?
This is the most bland, contrived and trite "award" I have ever recived. The people who were choosing these awards don't have any idea who I am. We talk, yes. We're friendly, of course. But they don't know my quirks, my sense of humor, or my passions. They don't know me, and it seems they don't care. Some of the people I work with are so abrasive that I want to scream, or hit them- but I know I could give each and every member some kind of creative comparison. I could easily give each member a thoughtful and appropriate award. And yet they can't figure out anything about me? So while the gesture is nice, I was completely offended by it. That award means nothing coming from them- they said it because they couldn't think of anything, but I'm not a bitch or a slacker, so they tried to give me someone good. That would have meant the world to mean, had it come from someone who knows me- like all my people back home. And then I get all tenderhearted and realize how much I miss the people who know me best, all my people I've grown up with. And how much I cannot wait to dip my toes into almost still swimming holes, grow and change and feel familiar all over again. And know that the people I'm talking to know me, and see me.
Unlike the people I work with. I thought they'd at least ask ryan who has, I don't know, known me since I was a child?

whatever. I need to rest and charge ahead a strong and exciting week. It's staggering how fast it's arrived.

and I'm so so so close to

feeling free like this again

Ishq Hai Jhootha

as an offical international studies major with an asian studies minor, my schedule for next semester is complete and it looks amazing


african dance on mondays and wednesdays- we have live drummers in class!
but the other class I want is packed

bhangra+hip hop

I'm gonna get in it, though


Government and Politics of SE Asia with my wonderful and handsome advisor- who happens to be a UU just like me! we get along so well, and he even said my schedule is perfect


I'm taking Imperial Chinese History with Grant Hardy who's only one of the world's leading experts on the subject (this man also speaks fluent greek and mandarin)


I'm taking Intro to Islam, which I cannot wait to learn more about
as well as Asian Religious Traditions with my favorite professor- we could be soul mates (she likes to make fun of keanu reeves almost as much as I do)

but that means lots of buddhism

and hinduism- which is a pretty big deal because

I just found out that I'm gonna get my language credit in hindi when I study abroad

I will understand this alphabet soon- I'm insanely excited to learn

and to be abroad in beautiful hyderabad- my parents say they will visit me!

I can't wait to do side trips to places like bombay



but this place keeps me pretty satisfied
for the first time in my life, I feel like I have a solid and feasible plan for the future that actually excites and engages me
now all we need is a tall order of summer

pieces of the people we love

just a little piece of all the people I love and miss































you guys all rock, for real


sorry I've been bad blogger! more/more interesting posting soon, pinky promise.

I'm gonna find a way to make it

ever think you're doing just fine and then it turns out you're actually an asshole?
and don't you just hate it when that happens?

I've had this song stuck in my head



I miss the green on the trees

but I am getting really into my poetry class

this book is incredible. if you have any intrest in poetry, buy it

of course these

always make me really happy

but this guy

theodore roethke has blown me away





right now I'm having a really good time and a really hard time.
I know everyone else doesn't miss home, but I do

just gotta keep lookin up

rest in peace nana

I'm trying to celebrate her life, not mourn her death


she grew up in evanston. my dad and aunt used to spend their summers at the apartment in the picture



nana and papa were both really into lighthouses. must've been the navy thing



cocktail shrimp was her favorite food. seafood in general was her preference. navy thing?



fannie may chocolate and other sweets were always around


she was a lucky lady. had money during the great depression because her dad sold tea. went to the art institute of chicago. married a naval officer. traveled the world. lived in 11 decades (even if she only dipped her toes in the 11th). she was beautiful, independent, and unconditionally loving. not to mention the best grandma a kid could ask for- and the only one I ever knew

a good old fashioned burbon toast to Jean D'Arcy Kennedy Bent- Artist Mother Grandmother and an upstanding member of the greatest generation on earth

stranger things have happened

can't predict the future. even for the scary shit.


I wish things were a bit warmer


but winter ain't so bad


thank god I'm a lucky person

danger song

There once was a man
That cried like a child
He escaped and he ran
But the burn wasn’t mild

Then there was a girl
That was frothy and spoiled
Though aware of the world
He said, “Listen, child-

I’d slice up the moon
If you needed me to-
You’ve got a harpoon
That’s caught me right through
It’s the things that you do,
The things that you do,
I’m just not immune
To the things that you do”

She held onto her breath
In result of her fear
With a hand on his chest
And one more on a beer

Though clothing was scarce
And the kitchen got hot
She said she was scared
Though she liked him a lot

“I can’t hold a tune
But see what I can do
I’ll sing to you, croon,
Til you beg me not to.
It’s the things that you do,
The things that you do
I’m just not immune
To the things that you do”

She begged to move slow,
She was scared of the fast
But in the after glow
Those words didn’t last

She could feel her heat flip
From hot back to cold
For she tried not to slip
Into ways of the old

"It’s the things that you do
The things that you do
I’m just not immune
To the things that you do."